Canada: INDEPTH REPORT: Males surviving abuse; the 'overlooked' victims

Stefania Moretti, Special to LondonTopic.ca
08/20/2007

It's hard for our society to accept boys as powerless. They are expected to "watch their own backs" and be able to defend themselves whenever their safety is threatened. And yet, according to the Canadian Department of Justice, 31 percent of all substantiated child sexual abuse and exploitation victims are male. Worse still, over 90 percent of all male victims of sexual abuse will never tell anyone.

John Field, a London Interfaith Counselling Centre therapist, believes that London is no exception to these troubling national averages and is frustrated with the double standards that plague society.

"For some reason a man's sexuality is challenged if he has been abused," said Field. "Men will often say to me: 'I wish I was hit, I wish I was cut,' because the bruises heal but the injuries are psychological."

It is easier for society to perceive women as victims than it is for them to see men in the same light. And as a result, the types and number of services available to men are scarce. "The services in London just aren't enough," said Field.

In June of this year the Ontario's Victim Services Secretariat approved $80,000 for services in support of the 47 female victims of Charles Sylvestre (a priest in London's Roman Catholic Church diocese convicted of sexually abusing young girls). The diocese is also providing an additional $44,000 to the women. In comparison, male victims of childhood sexual abuse in Windsor Chatham-Kent and London are getting $30,000 from the diocese. This is despite estimates that 75 percent of all victims of sexual abuse by clergy are male.

Another challenge for men is that they are more often isolated. "As a man you don't talk about your weaknesses or about your victimization," said Field. This only allows abuse to flourish in the silence.

When asked if he thought male survivors were overlooked, Field said, "In a word? Yes." And added, "But it shouldn't be that way." He believes men and women need to work together to provide support for one another while protecting all children from sexual predators in the future.

But as of late male victims in the London area have finally begun to unify in ways that women have been for decades.

Many survivors have vowed to be silent no longer and several London-area men have chosen to forge their own paths, filling the systemic gaps in service as they go. Some have even sought alternative methods of both healing and public advocacy.

Take for example, Chris LeMesurier. At the recommendation of his wife, LeMesurier started publishing his experiences on two separate online blogs. His blog entries are at times vivid with graphic description of abuse, at times muddled with emotional confusion. When asked if blogging provided a secure outlet for him, LeMesurier shrugged and said, "It worked for me at the time."

You would be mistaken to interpret LeMesurier's shrug as a sign of ambivalence. In fact, he is one of several men actively pursuing new and more effective channels for male survivors of abuse to access help and raise public awareness.

Field and LeMesurier are just two members of a public advocacy group called Male Abuse Survivor Support Initiative (M.A.S.S.I). The group aims to help men access care and help fund new and existing services while increasing local awareness.

LeMesurier is also a founding member of the Male Survivors Group (MSG). The group holds meetings on a regular basis exclusively for male survivors. Field says groups like this are necessary since government sponsored services such as those at London Interfaith and Thames Valley Family Services offer only short-term counselling. "The injuries caused by abuse don't heal in six weeks, they require long-term care. Oftentimes men who seek community services are left abandoned and feeling betrayed," said Field.

Londoners Robert Bérubé and Donald D'Haene have opted for creative outlets to help cope with their abuses and in turn help other men.

Bérubé's play, "The Highbury Hilton" was recently staged at the local Fringe Festival. A survivor of abuse by clergy himself, Bérubé stages the quest for emotional resolve of one abused psyche through the voices of three female characters in residence at a psychiatric hospital. The piece is a blunt and critical portrayal of his experiences with the available government services and the church.

He is frustrated by the long waits male survivors experience accessing care in London and fears that it discourages other men from seeking help. "You go through a 12-week course and that's it, you're on the street. There is no place like a men's center for men who have been abused. And that is very sad. It's lacking in our city and lacking in our country," said Bérubé.

Another local author has earned critical acclaim with this book "Father's Touch." Donald D'Haene penned a novel several years ago detailing his own childhood in which he suffered sexual abuse at the hands of his father. The book even has foreword by a leading therapist in the field, Mike Lew. "We may not be comfortable with what Donald D'Haene has to say, but we need to hear his words. Father's Touch is an important book, and Donald D'Haene is someone we need to know," writes Lew.

Simply throwing money at the problem will not rectify the crisis of adequate assistance to male survivors of sexual abuse, here in London, or anywhere for that matter. Instead, the solution will be much harder earned. It is about changing our backward and hurtful perceptions about men who have experienced the misfortune of being taken advantage of as boys. An innocent child is vulnerable regardless of gender.

The Department of Justice reports that boys between the ages of four and seven are most at risk of being sexually abused.

Why then should such terrible crimes be the burden of these young children as they grow into adult men? Bérubé struck the nail on the head when he said, "Society thinks that if you are a male then you should be able to take care of yourself, and that outlook needs to change."